AFFECTIONATE WIFE

A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks.

The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife,"Honey, I'll be right back."

"Where are you going, coochy cooh?" asked the wife.

"I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer."

The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.

The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, lolly pop....but at the bar....you know....they have frozen glasses...."

He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, puppy face?" She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, tootsie roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious.... I won't be long, I'll be right back. I promise. OK?"

"You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?" She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.

"But my sweet honey.... at the bar.... you know.... there's swearing, dirty words and all that.... "

"You want dirty words, Dickhead? Drink your fucking beer in your goddamn frozen mug and eat your motherfucking snacks, because you are married now, and you aren't going anywhere! Got it, Asshole?"....

and, they lived happily ever after.

DETECTING MIRRORS

This is how to determine if a mirror is 2 way or not!

It is not to scare you, but to make sure that you aware. Many of the hotels and textile showrooms cheat the customers this way & watch privately.

HOW TO DETECT A 2-WAY MIRROR

When we visit toilets, bathrooms, hotel rooms, changing rooms, etc., how many of you know for sure that the seemingly ordinary mirror hanging on the wall is a real mirror, or actually a 2-way mirror i.e., they can see you, but you can't see them. There have been manycases of people installing 2-way mirrors in female changing rooms or bathroom or bedrooms. It is very difficult to positively identify the surface by just looking at it. So, how do we determine with any amount of certainty what type of mirror we are looking at?

CONDUCT THIS SIMPLE TEST

Place the tip of your fingernail against the reflective surface and if there is a GAP between your fingernail and the image of the nail, then it is a GENUINE mirror. However, if your fingernail DIRECTLY TOUCHES the image of your nail, then BEWARE, IT IS A 2-WAY MIRROR! (there is someone seeing you from the other side). So remember, every time you see a mirror, do the "fingernail test." It doesn't cost you anything. It is simple to do. This is a really good thing to do. The reason there is a gap on a real mirror, is because the silver is on the back of the mirror UNDER the glass. Whereas with a two-way mirror,the silver is on the surface.

Keep it in mind!

Make sure and check every time you enter in hotel rooms. May be someone is making a film on you.

MALE BRAIN

Just click on the image to see how male brain works

MEANING OF FRIEND

Faithful
A friend is always faithful to you, even during the bad times.
Reliable
A friend is reliable, you can count on them to always be there.
In touch
A friend stays in touch, even though it may not be as often as you'd like!
Enduring
A true friendship is enduring, lasting even when friends lose touch for a while.
Needed
A friend is always there for you when you need someone to hug.
Devoted
A friend is devoted to your friendship and will never do anything to destroy it.
In this world you might be one person but for someone you may be the world.

COMPANY POLICIES

In an experiment they put eight monkeys in a room. In the middle of the room is a ladder, leading to a bunch of bananas hanging from a hook on the ceiling.

Each time a monkey tries to climb the ladder, all the monkeys are sprayed with ice water, which makes them miserable. Soon enough, whenever a monkey attempts to climb the ladder, all of the the monkeys, not wanting to be sprayed, set upon him and beat him up. Soon, none of the eight monkeys ever attempts to climb the ladder. One of the original monkeys is then removed, and a new monkey is put in the room. Seeing the bananas and the ladder, he wonders why none of the other monkeys are doing the obvious, but, undaunted, he immediately begins to climb the ladder. All the other monkeys fall upon him and beat him silly. He has no idea why. However, he no longer attempts to climb the ladder. A second original monkey is removed and replaced. The newcomer again attempts to climb the ladder, but all the other monkeys hammer the crap out of him. This includes the previous new monkey, who, grateful that he's not on the receiving end this time, participates in the beating because all the other monkeys are doing it. However, he has no idea why he's attacking the new monkey. One by one, all the original monkeys are replaced, eight new monkeys are now in the room. None of them have ever been sprayed by icewater. None of them attempt to climb the ladder. All of them will enthusiastically beat up any new monkey who tries, without having any idea why.

AND THAT'S HOW MANY COMPANY POLICIES GET ESTABLISHED.

SCRABBLE

DORMITORY

When you rearrange the letters you get

DIRTY ROOM

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------PRESBYTERIAN

When you rearrange the letters you get

BEST IN PRAYER

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ASTRONOMER

When you rearrange the letters you get

MOON STARER

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DESPERATION

When you rearrange the letters you get

A ROPE ENDS IT

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THE EYES

When you rearrange the letters you get

THEY SEE

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
GEORGE BUSH

When you rearrange the letters you get

HE BUGS GORE
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------THE MORSE CODE

When you rearrange the letters you get

HERE COME DOTS

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SLOT MACHINES

When you rearrange the letters you get

CASH LOST IN ME

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ANIMOSITY

When you rearrange the letters you get

IS NO AMITY

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ELECTION RESULTS

When you rearrange the letters you get

LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MOTHER-IN-LAW

When you rearrange the letters you get

WOMAN HITLER

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SNOOZE ALARMS

When you rearrange the letters you get

ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A DECIMAL POINT

When you rearrange the letters you get

I'M A DOT IN PLACE

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE EARTHQUAKES

When you rearrange the letters you get

THAT QUEER SHAKE

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ELEVEN PLUS TWO

When you rearrange the letters you get

TWELVE PLUS ONE

THE CANTEEN BOY

An HR MBA in a MNC goes to the cafeteria for coffee.

As he is relaxing he sees a boy cleaning tables there. Being in a patronising "need to motivate mood", he asks the boy: How much do you earn?

Boy smiles....

MBA: What are your future plans?

Boy keeps quiet....

MBA: Where do you see yourself 10 years down the line?

Boy gives a cold stare....

MBA (irritated at being ignored): Jab main Mumbai aaya tha tab mere paas bhi kuch nahi tha.... Aaj mere paas kya nahin hai.... Naam hai, Shohrat hai, Paisa hai, Izzat hai.... tumhare paas kya hai?

Boy: Sa'ab mere paas bahut KAAM hai....

The MBA leaves the cafeteria silently....

INDIAN CITIES

How to identify cities in India

Scenario 1

Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, then a fourth andthey start arguing about who's right.

You are in Kolkata.

Scenario 2

Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, sees them and walks on.

That's Mumbai.

Scenario 3

Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along & tries to makepeace. The first two get together & beat him up.

That's Delhi.

Scenario 4

Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along and quietly opens a chai-stall.

That's Ahmedabad.

Scenario 5

Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes he writes a software program to stop the fight. But the fight doesn't stop b'cos of a bug in the program.

That's Bangalore.

Scenario 6

Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along and quietly says that "AMMA" doesn't like all this nonsense. Peace comes in.

That's Chennai.

Scenario 7

Two guys are fighting. Third guy comes along with a carton of beer. All sit together drinking beer and abusing each other and all go home being friends.

You are in Goa.

Scenario 8

Two guys are fighting. Third guy comes and starts beating both of them without asking anything.

That’s Patna.

Scenario 9

Two Guys are fighting. Third guy watches from a distance and telephones police about naxals.

That’s Hyderabad.

Scenario 10

Two guys are fighting. Both of them take time out and call their friends on mobile. Now 50 guys are fighting.

You are DEFINITELY IN PUNJAB.

BRAIN TEASERS

1. What programming language is GOOGLE developed in?
   Google is written in Asynchronous java-script and XML, or its acronym Ajax.
2. What is the expansion of YAHOO?
   Yet Another Hierarchy of Officious Oracle.
3. What is the expansion of ADIDAS?
   ADIDAS - All Day I Dream About Sports.
4. Expansion of Star as in Star TV Network?
   Satellite Television Asian Region.
5. What is expansion of "ICICI?"?
   Industrial credit and Investments Corporation of India.
6. What does "baker's dozen" signify?
   A baker's dozen consists of 13 items - 1 more than the items in a normal dozen.
7. The 1984-85 season, 2nd ODI between India and Pakistan at Sialkot - India 210/3 with Vengsarkar 94*. The match was abandoned. Why?
   That match was abandoned after people heard the news of Ms. Indira Gandhi being killed.
8. Who is the only man to have written the National Anthems for two different countries?
   Rabindranath Tagore wrote National Anthems for two different countries. One is the National Anthem of India - (Jan Man Gan) and the other one is of Bangladesh - (Amar Sonar Bangla).
9. From what four word ex-pression does the word 'Goodbye' derive?
   Goodbye comes from the expression: 'God be with you'.
10. How was Agnes Gonxha Bojaxhiu better known?
    Agnes Gonxha Bojaxhiu is none other Mother Teresa.
11. Name the only other country to have got independence on Aug 15th?
    South Korea.
12. Why was James Bond Associated with the Number 007?
    Because 007 is the ISD code for Russia (or the USSR, as it was known during the cold war).
13. Who faced the first ball in the first ever One Day match?
    Geoffrey Boycott.
14. Which cricketer played for South Africa before it was banned from international cricket and later represented Zimbabwe?
    John Traicos.
15. The faces of which four Presidents are carved at Mt. Rushmore?
    George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt, and Abraham Lincoln.
16. Which is the only country that is surrounded from all sides by only one country (other than Vatican)?
    Lesotho surrounded from all sides by South Africa.
17. Which is the only sport which is not allowed to play left handed?
    Polo.

OFFICE - GOLDEN RULES

1. Rule 1. - The Boss is always right.
2. Rule 2. - If the Boss is wrong, see rule 1.
3. Those who work get more work. Others get pay, perks, and promotions.
4. Ph.D. Stands for "Pull Him Down". The more intelligent a person, the more hardworking a person, the more committed a person; the more number of persons are engaged in pulling that person down.
5. If you are good, you will get all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
6. When the Bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
7. It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done and what you are going to do.
8. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
9. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
10. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
11. If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
12. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
13. Following the rules will not get the job done.
14. If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
15. Everything can be filed under "Miscellaneous".
16. No matter how much you do, you never do enough.
17. You can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work you are supposed to be doing.
18. In order to get a promotion, you need not necessarily know your job.
19. In order to get a promotion, you only need to pretend that you know your job.
20. The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.

FACTS ABOUT LIFE

Isn't it strange how a 20 rupee note seems like such a large amount
when you donate it to temple,
but such a small amount
when you go shopping?

Isn't it strange how 2 hours seem so long
when you're at temple,
and how short they seem
when you're watching a good movie?

Isn't it strange that you can't find a word to say
when you're praying,
but you have no trouble thinking
what to talk about with a friend?

Isn't it strange how difficult and boring it is to read
one chapter of the Bhagwad Gita,
but how easy it is to read
100 pages of a popular novel ?

Isn't it strange how everyone wants front-row-tickets
to concerts or games,
but they do whatever is possible
to sit at the last row in Jagran?

Isn't it strange how difficult it is to learn a fact about God
and to share it with others,
but how easy it is
to learn, understand, extend and repeat gossip?

Isn't it strange how we need to know about an event for temple
2-3 weeks before the day so that we can include it in our agenda,
but we can adjust it for other events
in the last minute?

Isn't it strange how we believe everything
that magazines and newspapers say,
but we question
the words in the Bhagwad Gita?

Isn't it strange how everyone wants
a place in heaven,
but they don't want
to believe, do, or say anything to get there?

Isn't it strange how we send jokes in e-mails
and they are forwarded right away,
but when we are going to send messages about God
we think about it twice before we share it with others?

IT'S STRANGE, ISN'T IT?

NAME MEANING

Name Meaning

Instructions : What you do is find out what each letter of your name means. Then connect all the meanings and it describes YOU.

Its TRUE & Is'nt it GREAT !!

If you have double or triple letters, just count the meaning once.

A = You can be very quiet when you have something on your mind.
B = You are always cautious when it comes to meeting new people .
C = You definitely have a partier side in you, don't be shy to show it.
D = You have trouble trusting people.
E = You are a very exciting person.
F = Everyone loves you.
G = You have excellent ways of viewing people.
H = You are not judgmental.
I = You are always smiling and making others smile.
J = Jealously
K = You like to try new things.
L = Love is something you deeply believe in.
M = Success comes easily to you.
N = You like to work, but you always want a break.
O = You are very open-minded.
P = You are very friendly and understanding.
Q = You are a hypocrite.
R = You are a social butterfly.
S = You are very broad-minded.
T = You have an attitude, a big one.
U = You feel like you have to equal up to people's standards.
V = You have a very good physique and looks.
W = You like your privacy.
X =You never let people tell you what to do.
Y = You cause a lot of trouble.
Z = You're always fighting with someone.

LIVER & KIDNEY

Husband & wife are like liver and kidney.
Husband is liver & wife kidney.
If liver fails, kidney fails.
If kidney fails, liver manages with other kidney.

PERFECTION

There's only one perfect child in the world & every mother has it.

There's only one perfect wife in the world & every neighbour has it.

PROBLEMS & SOLUTIONS

The Difference between Focusing on Problems and Focusing on Solutions.

Case 1
When NASA began the launch of astronauts into space, they found out thatthe pens wouldn't work at zero gravity (ink won't flow down to the writing surface). To solve this problem, it took them one decade and $12 million. They developed a pen that worked at zero gravity, upside down, underwater, in practically any surface including crystal and in a temperature range from below freezing to over 300 degrees C.
And what did the Russians do...??

They used a pencil!

Case 2

One of the most memorable case studies on Japanese management was the case of the empty soapbox, which happened in one of Japan's biggest cosmetics companies.

The company received a complaint that a consumer had bought a soapbox that was empty.

Immediately the authorities isolated the problem to the assembly line, which transported all the packaged boxes of soap to the delivery department. For some reason, one soapbox went through the assembly line empty.

Management asked its engineers to solve the problem. Post-haste, the engineers worked hard to devise an X-ray machine with high-resolution monitors manned by two people to watch all the soapboxes that passed through the line to make sure they were not empty. No doubt, they worked hard and they worked fast but they spent a whoopee amount to do so.

But when a rank-and-file employee in a small company was posed with the same problem, he did not get into complications of X-rays, etc., but instead came out with another solution.

He bought a strong industrial electric fan and pointed it at the assembly line. He switched the fan on, and as each soapbox passed the fan, it simply blew the empty boxes out of the line.

Always look for simple solutions.

Devise the simplest possible solution that solves the problems.

Always focus on solutions & not on problems.

EXPERIENCE

A bright young executive had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech firm.

The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and handed him three numbered envelopes. "Open these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can handle," he said.

Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a nosedive and he was really catching a lot of heat from the board.

At wit's end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope. The message read, "Blame your predecessor."

The new CEO called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous CEO. Satisfied with his comments, the board, the press, and Wall Street responded positively, sales picked up, stock prices rose and the problem was soon behind him.

About a year later, the company was again experiencing a slight dip in sales, combined with serious problems getting new product to market.

Having learned from his previous experience, the CEO wasted no time in opening the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize."

This he did, and again the company quickly rebounded.

After several consecutive profitable quarters, the company once again fell on difficult times.

The CEO went to his office, closed the door and opened the third envelope.

The simple message said, "Prepare three envelopes..."

CORPORATE LESSONS

CORPORATE LESSON 1

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?”

The crow answered: "Sure, why not.”
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit... and ate it.

MORAL OF THE STORY
To be sitting and doing nothing
you must be sitting very, very high up.


CORPORATE LESSON 2

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy.”

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

Soon he was spotted by a farmer who promptly shot the turkey out of the tree.

MORAL OF THE STORY

Bullshit might get you to the top,
but it won't keep you there.


CORPORATE LESSON 3

A little bird was flying south for the winter.
It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field.
While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realise how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!

MORAL OF THE STORY

1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) And when you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut.

SOME STARTLING FACTS

Coca-Cola was originally green.

The most common name in the world is Mohammed.

The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.

TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men!

You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.

It is impossible to lick your elbow yourself.

People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you sneeze, your heart stops for a millisecond.

It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.

The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.

If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib.

If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents great king from history. Spades - King David, Clubs - Alexander the Great, Hearts - Charlemagne, Diamonds - Julius Caesar.

If a statue of a person in the park on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has a all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers all have in common? All were invented by women.

This is the only food that doesn't spoil. What is this? Honey.

A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

A snail can sleep for three years.

All polar bears are left handed.

American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.

Butterflies taste with their feet.

Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.

In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.

Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'.

Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.

The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over million descendants.

Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.

The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

Most lipstick contains fish scales.

Like fingerprints, everyone\'s tongue print is different.

WOMAN SPEAK

WHAT A WOMAN SAYS, AND WHAT SHE REALLY MEANS..
I need = I want
We need = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
Do whatever you want = You are going to pay for this later
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure....go ahead = I don't want you to
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I have a severe case of PMS
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
I want new curtains = I want new curtains, new carpeting, new furniture, newwallpaper....
I need new shoes = The other 40 pairs are simply the wrong shade
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really going to hate
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Are you listening to me? = Too late, you're dead
Yes = No
No = No
Maybe = No
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
I was wrong = Not as wrong as you
Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it
Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep
I'm not yelling! = Of course I'm yelling, this is important!

ONCE IN 100000 YEARS

ON JUNE 6, 2006 AND 6 MINUTES & 6 SECONDS AFTER 6 AM, DAY TIME AND DATE WERE 06:06:06:06:/06/06/06 WHICH HAPPENS ONCE IN 100000 YEARS

USE OF TECHNOLOGY

a …rrring a

Hello Bob?

Did you review the contract I sent you?

... So it’s finished? You’ll send it to me by e-mail?

My e-mail address? Frankly, I don’t remember it !!!

Just a minute, let me check.

OOOOOH ...
WHAT’S MY E-MAIL ADDRESS?

No, no, that’s my home e-mail address!

Listen, I can’t find it. Let me check and call you back.

Oh!... You’re going for lunch...

OK, I’ll send you the address by fax. You’ll have it when you get back. OK?

OK, So give me your fax number.

What! You don’t know it?

OK, here’s what we’ll do. You e-mail me your fax number and I’ll fax you my e-mail address.

No, that won’t work. Wait, I’m getting mixed up...
Let me think...

So… Hum… OK… Well… Yeah…

What’s your cell-phone number?

Oh, your battery is dead ... Mine too...

OK, listen, here’s what we’ll do...

You charge your cell-phone battery, I’ll call you in a couple of hours and leave you my e-mail address in your voice mail.

Then you take my e-mail address in your voice mail and you e-mail me your fax number.

Then I can fax you my e-mail address.

That’s plan A. Now for plan B!

I send myself an e-mail to see what my e-mail address is and then I record a message for you in my voice mail....

…when you get it, you send me the answer on my pager...

…so then, I send you a fax with my e-mail address.

Complicated? No, it’s not at all complicated.

We just need a bit of coordination... and luck...

There’s also a third possibility that’s much simpler: plan C...
You send me the contract directly by express messenger.

Yeah!... It’s the best plan strategically speaking...

But actually, I have a small question...

…what was I supposed to send you by e-mail? My e-mail address, my fax number, my cell number, pager, telephone?

Oh! You don’t remember either.
It would probably be a good idea to have periodic bilateral coordination meetings concerning protocols for internal communications.

But anyway, since your office is at the other end of the corridor, I’ll come by to pick it up in 2 minutes... OK? Bye!

And the MORAL…

Thanks to technology, we can now waste time with efficiency until now unimaginable, all in the name of saving time…

MANAGEMENT LESSONS

It's a fine sunny day in the forest and a lion is sitting outside his cave, lying lazily in the sun.

Along comes a fox, out on a walk.

Fox: "Do you know the time, because my watch is broken?"

Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix the watch for you."

Fox: "Hmm... But it's a very complicated mechanism, and your big claws will only destroy it even more."

Lion: "Oh no, give it to me, and it will be fixed."

Fox: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that lazy lions with great claws cannot fix complicated watches."

Lion: "Sure they do, give it to me and it will be fixed."

The lion disappears into his cave, and after a while he comes back with the watch which is running perfectly. The fox is impressed, and the lion continues to lie lazily in the sun, looking very pleased with him.

Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the lazy lion in the sun.

Wolf: "Can I come and watch TV tonight with you, because mine is broken?"

Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix your TV for you."

Wolf: "You don't expect me to believe such rubbish, do you? There is no way that a lazy lion with big claws can fix a complicated TV.”

Lion: "No problem. Do you want to try it?"

The lion goes into his cave, and after a while comes back with a perfectly fixed TV.

The wolf goes away happily and amazed.

SCENE: Inside the lion's cave. In one corner are half a dozen small and intelligent looking rabbits that are busily doing very complicated work with very detailed instruments. In the other corner lies a huge lion looking very pleased with him.

Moral: IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY A MANAGER IS FAMOUS; LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES.

Management Lesson: IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY SOMEONE UNDESERVED IS PROMOTED; LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES.

*************************************************************************************

It's a fine sunny day in the forest and a rabbit is sitting outside his burrow, tippy-tapping on his typewriter. Along comes a fox, out for a walk.

Fox: "What are you working on?"

Rabbit: "My thesis."

Fox: "Hmm... What is it about?"

Rabbit: "Oh, I'm writing about how rabbits eat foxes."

Fox: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that rabbits don't eat foxes!"
Rabbit: "Come with me and I'll show you!"

They both disappear into the rabbit's burrow. After few minutes, gnawing on a fox bone, the rabbit returns to his typewriter and resumes typing.

Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the hardworking rabbit.

Wolf: "What's that you are writing?"

Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat wolves."

Wolf: "you don't expect to get such rubbish published, do you?"

Rabbit: "No problem. Do you want to see why?"

The rabbit and the wolf go into the burrow and again the rabbit returns by himself, after a few minutes, and goes back to typing.

Finally a bear comes along and asks, "What are you doing?"

Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat bears."

Bear: "Well that's absurd! "

Rabbit: "Come into my home and I'll show you."

SCENE: As they enter the burrow, the rabbit introduces the bear to the lion.

Moral: IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW SILLY YOUR THESIS TOPIC IS; WHAT MATTERS IS WHOM YOU HAVE AS A SUPERVISOR.

Management Lesson: IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW BAD YOUR PERFORMANCE IS; WHAT MATTERS IS WHETHER YOUR BOSS LIKES YOU OR NOT.

SECRETS OF LIVING

1 - Live to relax!





2 - Love your bed, it is your temple!





3 - Relax in the day, so that you can sleep at night!






4 - Work is holy, so don't attack it!








5 - Don't do something tomorrow, that you can do the day afterwards!








6 - Work as little as possible. Let the others do what needs to be done!





7 - Don't worry, nobody died from doing nothing, but you could get hurt at work!







8 - If you feel like doing work, sit down and wait until that feeling goes away!








9 - Don't forget: working is healthy! So leave it for the sick people!

MICRO MANAGEMENT

Many years ago in a small Indian village, a farmer had the misfortune of owing a large sum of money to a village moneylender. The moneylender, who was old and ugly, fancied the farmer's beautiful daughter.

So he proposed a bargain.

He said he would forgo the farmer's debt if he could marry his daughter. Both the farmer and his daughter were horrified by the proposal. So the cunning money-lender suggested that they let providence decide the matter. He told them that he would put a black pebble and a white pebble into an empty money bag. Then the girl would have to pick one pebble from the bag.

1) If she picked the black pebble, she would become his wife and her father's debt would be forgiven.

2) If she picked the white pebble she need not marry him and her father's debt would still be forgiven.

3) But if she refused to pick a pebble, her father would be thrown into jail.

They were standing on a pebble strewn path in the farmer's field. As they talked, the moneylender bent over to pick up two pebbles. As he picked them up, the sharp-eyed girl noticed that he had picked up two black pebbles and put them into the bag. He then asked the girl to pick a pebble from the bag.

Now, imagine that you were standing in the field.

What would you have done if you were the girl?

If you had to advise her, what would you have told her?

Careful analysis would produce three possibilities:

1. The girl should refuse to take a pebble.

2. The girl should show that there were two black pebbles in the bag and expose the money-lender as a cheat.

3. The girl should pick a black pebble and sacrifice herself in order to save her father from his debt and imprisonment.

Take a moment to ponder over the story. The above story is used with the hope that it will make us appreciate the difference between lateral and logical thinking. The girl's dilemma cannot be solved with traditional logical thinking.

Think of the consequences if she chooses the above logical answers.

What would you recommend to the Girl to do?

Well, here is what she did ....

The girl put her hand into the moneybag and drew out a pebble. Without looking at it, she fumbled and let it fall onto the pebble-strewn path where it immediately became lost among all the other pebbles.

"Oh, how clumsy of me," she said. "But never mind, if you look into the bag for the one that is left, you will be able to tell which pebble I picked." Since the remaining pebble is black, it must be assumed that she had picked the white one. And since the money-lender dared not admit his dishonesty, the girl changed what seemed an impossible situation into an extremely advantageous one.

MORAL OF THE STORY:Most complex problems do have a solution. It is only that we don't attempt to think.

DONT WORK HARD... ... "WORK SMART"

ADVICE FOR WOMEN

If you want someone who will bring you the paper without first tearing it apart to remove the sports section ....

Buy a dog.

If you want someone willing to make a fool of himself simply over the joy of seeing you ....

Buy a dog.

If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him and never says it's not quite as good as his mother made it ....

Buy a dog.

If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour, for as long and whereveryou want ....
Buy a dog.

If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn't care about football, and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies ....

Buy a dog.

If you want someone who is content to get up on your bed just to warm your feet and whom you can push off if he snores ....

Buy a dog.

If you want someone who never criticizes what you do, doesn't care if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old, who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of listening to, and loves you unconditionally, perpetually ....

Buy a dog.

But, on the other hand, If you want someone who will never come when you call, ignores you totally when you come home, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, runs around all night and only comes home to eat and sleep, and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his happiness ....

Then ....

Buy a cat!

(You thought I was talking about a man didn't you?)

NARAYAN MURTHY ON STAYING LATE IN OFFICE

It's half past 8 in the office but the lights are still on...

PCs still running, coffee machines still buzzing... and who's at work?

Most of them???

Take a closer look...

All or most specimens are 20-something male species of the human race...

Look closer... again all or most of them are bachelors... and why are they sitting late?

Working hard? No way!!!

Any guesses???

Let's ask one of them...

Here's what he says... "What's there 2 do after going home... here we get to surf, AC, phone, food, coffee.. thats is why I am working late... importantly no bossssssss!!!!!!!!!!!"

This is the scene in most research centres and software companies and other off-shore offices. Bachelors "time-passing" during late hours in the office just bcoz they say they've nothing else to do...

Now what r the consequences...

"Working"(for the record only) late hours soon becomes part of the institute or company culture. With bosses more than eager to provide support to those "working" late in the form of taxi vouchers, food vouchers and of course good feedback, (oh, he's a hard worker... goes home only to change..!!).

They aren't helping things too... To hell with bosses who don't understand the difference between "sitting" late and "working" late!!!

Very soon, the boss start expecting all employees to put in extra working hours. So, My Dear Bachelors, let me tell you, life changes when u get married and start having a family... office is no longer a priority, family is... and that's when the problem starts... becoz u start having commitments at home too.

For your boss, the earlier "hardworking" guy suddenly seems to become a "early leaver" even if u leave an hour after regulartime... after doing the same amount of work. People leaving on time after doing their tasks for the day are labeled as work-shirkers...

Girls who thankfully always (its changing nowadays... though) leave on time are labeled as "not up to it". All the while, the bachelors pat their own backs and carry on "working" not realizing that they r spoiling the work culture at their own place and never realize that they wuld have to regret at one point of time.

So what's the moral of the story??

Very clear, LEAVE ON TIME!!!

Never put in extra time "unless really needed"

Don't stay back un-necessarily and spoil your company work culture which will in turn cause inconvenience to you and your colleagues. There are hundred other things to do in the evening.. Learn music... Learn a foreign language... try a sport... TT, cricket... importantly Get a girl friend or gal friend, take him/her around town... And for heaven's sake net cafe rates have dropped to an all-time low (plus, no fire-walls) and try cooking for a change.

Take a tip from the Smirnoff advertisement: "Life's calling, where are you??"

FACTS ABOUT WOMEN

BEHIND EVERY SUCCESSFUL WOMAN IS HERSELF

A WOMAN IS LIKE A TEA BAG...
YOU DON'T KNOW HOW STRONG SHE IS
UNTIL YOU PUT HER IN HOT WATER

COFFEE, CHOCOLATE, MEN...
SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER RICH

WARNING: I HAVE AN ATTITUDE
AND I KNOW
HOWTO USE IT

And last but not the least:

IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED...
SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN

WORDS WOMEN USE

Fine
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

Five Minutes
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

Nothing
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something" and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine".

Go Ahead
This is a dare, not permission, DON'T DO IT!

Loud Sigh
Although not actually a word, the loud sigh is often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

That's Okay
This is one of the most dangerous statements that woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

Thanks
This is the least used of all words in the female vocabulary. If a woman is thanking you, do not question it, just say you're welcome and back out of the room slowly.