COMPUTER GENDER

A pastor of a church had previously been a sailor. He was very aware that ships are addresses as "she" and "her". He often wondered what gender computers should be addressed. To answer that question, he set up two group of computer experts.

The first group was composed of women, and the second of men. Each group was asked to recommend whether computer should be referred to in the feminine gender, or the masculine gender. They were asked to give 4 reasons for their recommendations.

The group of women reported that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:

1. In order to get their attention you have to turn them on.
2. The have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
3. The are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer you could have had a better model.

The men, on the other hand, concluded that computers should be referred to in the feminine gender because:

1. As soon as you have one, a better one is just around the corner.
2. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
3. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
4. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
5. The message "Bad Command or File Name" is about as informative as "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you".
6. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half of your paycheck on accessories for it.

TEST FOR DEMENTIA

This is an important test for Dementia for those over 30. Please do it diligently....

Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use it, you lose it! Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence.

Take the test presented here to determine if you're losing it or not. OK, relax, clear your mind and begin....

1. What do you put in a toaster?

Answer: "bread." If you said "toast," give up now and go do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, bread, go to Question 2.

2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk." What do cows drink?

Answer : Cows drink water. If you said "milk," don't attempt the next question. Your brain is over-stressed and may even overheat. Content yourself with reading a more appropriate literature such as Auto World. However, if you said "water", proceed to Question 3.

3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?

Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks," why are you still reading these ?? If you said "glass," go on to Question 4.

4. It's twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany (If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany). Anyway, during the flight, TWO engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he can do so and the plane fatally crashes smack-dab in the middle of "no man's land" between East Germany and West Germany . "Where would you bury the survivors ? East Germany, West Germany, or no man's land"?

Answer: You don't bury survivors.

If you said ANYTHING else, you're a dunce and you must stop NOW! If you said, "You don't bury survivors", proceed to the next Question.

5. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales .... In London , 17 people get on the bus; In Reading , six people get off the bus and nine people get on.... In Swindon , two people get off and four get on.... In Cardiff , 11 people get off and 16 people get on.... In Swansea , three people get off and five people get on.... In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on... You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver?

Answer: "Oh, for crying out loud!"

Don't you remember your own name ? It was YOU !!

NO TENSION

The moment you are in TENSION

You will lose your ATTENTION

Then you are in total CONFUSION

And you'll feel IRRITATION

This may spoil your personal RELATIONS

Untimately, you won't get COOPERATION

And get things into COMPLICATION

Then you may raise CAUTION

And you have to take MEDICATION

Why not try understanding the SITUATION

And try to think about the SOLUTION

Many problems will be solved by DISCUSSION

Which will work out better in your PROFESSION

Don't think this is a free SUGGESTION

It is only for your PREVENTION

If you understand my INTENTION

You'll never come again into TENSION!!!!

VALUE OF TIME

To realize the value of one year ….
Ask a student who has failed a final exam!
To realize the value of one month ….
Ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby!
To realize the value of one week ….
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper!
To realize the value of one hour ….
Ask the lovers who are waiting to meet!
To realize the value of one minute ….
Ask a person who has just missed the bus, train or plane!
To realize the value of one second ….
Ask a person who has just survived an accident!
To realize the value of one millisecond ….
Ask a person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics!

RESEARCH

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.

The only question asked was:

"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure.

In Africa they didn't know what 'food' meant;

In India they didn't know what 'honest' meant;

In Europe they didn't know what 'shortage' meant;

In China they didn't know what 'opinion' meant;

In the Middle East they didn't know what 'solution' meant;

In South America they didn't know what 'please' meant;

And....

In the USA they didn't know what 'the rest of the world' meant!!!!