SOME WISE WORDS

1. A foolish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.

2. One GOOD way to REDUCE alcohol consumption: Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD. After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY.

3. Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their friends.

4. One should always be specific. Because - A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best wine and Best Woman. Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.

5. Let us be generous like this: Four Ants are moving through a forest. They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them. Ant 1 says: we should KILL him. Ant 2 says: No, Let us break his Leg alone. Ant 3 says: No, we will just throw him away from our path. Ant 4 says: No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.

6. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOMEthing in your life. If you HAVE a Girl Friend -You are missing EVERY thing in your life.

7. Question: When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE. Answer: On their MARRIAGE.

8.When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you from Darkness. After you pray, if you are still in Darkness - Please PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.

9. Why Government does NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women. Because as per the Constitution, you canNOT PUNISH anyone TWICE for the same Mistake.

UNDERESTIMATING WOMEN

A man called home to his wife and said: "Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting, so could you please pack enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box? We're leaving from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up. Oh! Please do not forget to pack my new blue silk pajamas."

The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy, but being the good wife she did exactly what her husband asked.

The following weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good.

The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish?

He said, "Yes! Lots of salmon, some bluegill and a few swordfish. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?

The wife replied, "I did. They're in your fishing box...."

MIND YOUR BUSINESS

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen."Careful ... CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when u're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What the hell is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving!!"

E-MAIL ADDRESS

A jobless man applied for the position of "office boy" at Microsoft.

The HR manager interviewed him and then watched him cleaning the floor as a test. "You are employed." He said." Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start."

The man replied "But I don't have a computer, neither an email."

"I'm sorry," said the HR manager, "If you don't have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job."

The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10 Kg tomato crate. He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the operation three times,and returned home with $60. The man realized that he could survive by this way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late. Thus, his money doubled or tripled every day. Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles. 5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US.

He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life insurance. He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan. When the conversation was concluded, the broker asked him his email. The man replied,"I don't have an email".

The broker answered curiously, "You don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an email?!!"

The man thought for a while and replied, "Yes, I'd be an office boy at Microsoft!"

Moral

1 - Internet is not the solution to your life.

2 - If you don't have internet, and work hard, you can be a millionaire.