TRUTH: 21st CENTURY

Our communication - Wireless
Our telephone - Cordless
Our cooking - Fireless
Our youth - Jobless
Our food - Fatless
Our Labour - Effortless
Our conduct - Worthless
Our relation - Loveless
Our attitude - Careless
Our feelings - Heartless
Our follies - Countless
Our arguments - Baseless
Our boss - Brainless
Our Job - Thankless
Our Salary - Very less

HEIGHTS

1. What is height of Fashion?
Dhoti with a zip.
2. What is height of Secrecy?
Offering black visiting cards.
3. What is height of Active Laziness?
Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.
4. What is height of Laziness?
Adopt a child.
5. What is height of Craziness?
Getting a black paper Xeroxed.
6. What is height of Forgetfulness?
Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him/her last.
7. What is height of Stupidity?
A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.
8. What is height of Honesty?
A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.
9. What is height of Suicide?
A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.
10. What is height of De-hydration?
A cow giving milk powder.

SOME FUNNY LINES

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATHS

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend
A successful woman is one who can find such a man

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

A DIVORCE CASE

There was a couple married for quite some time and they had a boy of 5-6 years old.

Their relationship was turning sour and finally it reached such a stage that they thought it was better for them to be divorced than carry on such a relationship.

So they consulted a lawyer, but the big question was who would have the kid.

In the hearing in the court; it was decided that this choice should be left on the kid.

So the judge asked "Son would you like to stay with your mummy?"

Kid said, "No, mummy beats me."

So the judge asked "Then, would you like to stay with your papa?"

Kid said, "No, papa beats me."

Now the judge was in a dilemma and was not able to decide what to do ....

After pondering for some time he smiled with the idea he had in his mind about the child ....

And he gave the judgment that the kid would stay with ....

Any guesses????? ???

Come on I know you can make it ....

Ok here goes the answer.

The kid would stay with the Indian Cricket Team because they NEVER BEAT ANYBODY!!

BOSS IS BOSS

A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting.

On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.

The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each."

So the eager Junior manager shouted, "I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas , on a fast boat and have no worries." Pfufffff, and he has gone.

Now the Senior manager could not keep quiet and shouted, "I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails." Pfufffff , and he has also gone.

The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back in the office morning at 9.30 am."

Moral

Always allow the bosses to speak first.

DEAR BOSS

In Memory of all those who love their bosses
A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the boss's wife instead.
"I'm afraid he died last week." she explains.
The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss.
"I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week."
The next day he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss.

By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts, "I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"

He replied laughing, "I just love hearing it...."